Aliens File Cease-And-Desist After U.S. Government Releases 50 Years Of Unauthorized Surveillance Footage

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. government's ongoing release of previously classified UFO documents was thrown into legal jeopardy Thursday when attorneys representing the Interstellar Commonwealth of Beings (ICB) filed an emergency cease-and-desist order in the Ninth Circuit Court, demanding the immediate halt of all further disclosures on the grounds of "willful, sustained, and frankly very rude invasion of privacy."

The filing came hours after the Pentagon posted a new batch of declassified UAP records — including military video, audio intercepts, and 74 candid photographs taken between 1971 and 2019 — describing the imagery as depicting "objects of unknown origin exhibiting non-conventional flight characteristics." The ICB disputes this characterization.

"We know what we are," said ICB spokesperson Zk'vaar in a statement relayed via a translator using what sources confirmed was a heavily patched version of Google Translate. "We simply did not consent to these images being made public. Particularly the 1973 footage. The angle is terrible and we had just come out of a nebula."

The ICB's complaint alleges the government violated the subjects' image rights, failed to obtain written model releases, and distributed footage from encounters during which the beings were "not camera-ready and, on at least three occasions, actively trying to leave." Attorneys are seeking $4.7 trillion in damages, calculated using an exchange rate they describe as "very generous to you."

Pentagon officials said the releases comply with all applicable federal records laws, noting that under current FOIA guidelines, "entities not filing U.S. income taxes are not considered persons with standing to sue." The ICB's legal team fired back in a supplemental brief Friday morning, asserting that at least eleven of their operatives have in fact been filing taxes since 1987 — primarily in Nevada and New Mexico — and in several cases have been receiving refunds.

"They've been claiming home office deductions," said IRS spokesperson Maureen Talbot, who confirmed the agency is looking into the matter. "Which is complicated when the 'home office' appears to be a craft registered in another galaxy."

Representatives for three major Hollywood studios said Friday they too received letters from ICB counsel, which they described as "a routine dispute over likeness rights and development options" for footage the studios had licensed from the government in 2024. ICB sources confirmed the extraterrestrials are not opposed to a film deal "in principle" but found the initial pitch meeting — described by one participant as "a Zoom call where we weren't sure if they could see us" — deeply unsatisfying.

A NASA official who asked not to be named said the agency is committed to "full transparency" on the matter and that administrator Jared Isaacman has personally reviewed the footage in question and "genuinely does not know what it is, which, after watching it 40 times, is a little concerning."

The ICB's filing also takes aim at the federal government's decision to publicly describe the footage as depicting "unknown" objects, which the complaint calls "an insult on top of an injury, as we have introduced ourselves on multiple occasions, always in good faith, and were told each time that no one was home."

At press time, the government's legal team was scrambling to determine whether a being from the Andromeda Galaxy who has resided in a Henderson, Nevada condo since 1993, drives a 2019 Subaru Outback, and coaches youth soccer qualifies as a resident alien for tax purposes.