Wellness Influencer's Sleep Optimization Protocol Now Takes Nine Hours, Leaving No Time To Sleep

AUSTIN, TX — Wellness influencer Brandt Halloran confirmed Saturday that his nightly Sleep Optimization Protocol has grown to nine hours and ten minutes, a length that leaves him no window in which to be asleep. Halloran, who has not slept since mid-September, described the results as "the best rest of my life."

The protocol began in January as a 20-minute wind-down. It now includes magnesium glycinate, mouth tape, 40 minutes of red-light exposure, a guided breathing sequence, a second guided breathing sequence to undo the first, and a 90-minute "pre-sleep sleep" in which Halloran lies still and imagines himself asleep. Each step, he said, was added to fix a problem caused by the previous step.

"People think sleep just happens," said Halloran, adjusting a ring that tracks his heart rate variability and also his disappointment. "It doesn't. You have to prepare for it, and then prepare for the preparation. My tracker gave me a 94 last night, which is the highest score ever recorded for lying there."

Halloran's wearable now shows his sleep at zero minutes per night, a figure he has chosen to read as "efficient." He said the device has not flagged a problem because he has turned off every alert that might flag a problem.

Dr. Lorna Fitch, a sleep researcher at a university she asked not to be named, said the protocol is unlike anything she has seen. "He has optimized the sleep out of sleep," Fitch said. "It is a bit like perfecting a sandwich until it is a diagram of a sandwich. The man is running on cortisol and a 12-ounce cold brew he calls 'a bridge.'"

Followers have been slow to notice. Halloran's 1.4 million subscribers, many of whom have adopted the nine-hour routine, report feeling "wired but disciplined" and have begun posting at 4 a.m. to say they are thriving. A subscriber in Tempe said she now begins her protocol at 8 a.m. so it ends in time for her to start the next one.

Halloran is already planning an advanced tier that includes a 2.5-hour "recovery from the protocol" session, available for $79 a month. Asked when anyone would sleep, he paused and looked at the ceiling for several seconds.

"That's the beauty of it," he said. "You get so tired, it basically does itself."

At press time, Halloran was in step 31, a breathing exercise to calm the anxiety caused by step 30, which was a breathing exercise.