I Threw My Back Out Lovin' You

A gout-riddled, CPAP-wearing middle-aged man refuses to let his body slow him down on the dance floor — until one dip throws his back out for good, and he wears it like a trophy.

[Intro]

Well, gather 'round, I got a story on my hip to tell. Doc said take it easy — Hyah! Reckon I did too well.

[Verse 1]

Got a gout flare in my left boot heel, Still I asked her out on the floor for real. My See-Pap hose was hangin' from my ear, She said "Sexy," I said "Can't hardly hear." Popped a blue pill, checked the label twice, Four-hour warnin'? Boy, that sounds real nice.

[Chorus]

I threw my back out lovin' you (Lovin' you!) Slipped a disc but Lord it's true (Lord it's true!) Nurse said, "Sir, you pulled a muscle," I said, "Ma'am, that ain't no hustle," Every ache's a love tattoo, I threw my back out lovin' you! Hyah!

[Verse 2]

I dipped her low and my hip went pop, The band played on, we did not stop. My See-Pap hummed a sweet duet, Romance and gout — the best combo yet. I two-stepped through with my knee half-bent, 'Cause a real man's love don't quit when it's spent.

[Chorus]

I threw my back out lovin' you (Lovin' you!) Slipped a disc but Lord it's true (Lord it's true!) Nurse said, "Sir, you pulled a muscle," I said, "Ma'am, that ain't no hustle," Every ache's a love tattoo, I threw my back out lovin' you! Hyah!

[Bridge]

(spoken) Time slowed down... I heard a pop, then a crack, Next thing I know I'm starin' at the honky-tonk ceilin' fan. (crowd: Get up, get up!) She said, "Baby, are you hurt?" I said, "Woman, call the chiropractor — and get back over here."

[Final Chorus]

I threw my back out lovin' you (We know you did!) Slipped a disc but Lord it's true (Lord it's true!) Nurse said, "Sir, you pulled a muscle," I said, "Ma'am, that ain't no hustle," Every ache's a love tattoo, I threw my back out lovin' you! (Sing it if you feel it! Hyah!)

[Outro]

Well... who's gonna help me up?