I Done My Own Research

A proud, iron-certain man explains what's really going on — with seventeen tabs open and a whiteboard he's still adding to.

[Intro]

(spoken, hollered over bar ambience) Alright, alright — everybody hold on. Hold on! I printed this out. Fourteen pages. Front and back. And I highlighted the important parts. ...which is all of it.

[Verse 1]

My buddy Travis said them birds are actin' artificial I said, brother, I been runnin' due diligence since June I watched a mockingbird for forty-seven minutes yesterday Perched up on the power line — boy never blinked one time My wife says go to bed, I say I'm close to somethin' here The whiteboard's gettin' full but the conspiracy's gettin' clear

[Chorus]

I done my own research! (HE DONE HIS OWN RESEARCH!) Don't need no PhD! I Googled it three times and watched a YouTube man — that's a master's degree! I done my own research! (TELL EM WHAT YOU FOUND!) Got twenty-seven tabs open and I ain't closin' one down! I done my own research, baby — I know what I know! And what I know is — everything is connected and THEY don't want you to know!

[Verse 2]

The corn's been weird since 2009 and no one's askin' questions The cell tower by the Waffle House is foggier than it should be My nephew works at Dairy Queen, he said the fryer oil's off I took a sample to the county lab — they said sir we're callin' the cops The chemtrails in October started lookin' like cursive letters I spelled it out on the whiteboard — it said GET BACK TO BED, GERALD

[Chorus]

I done my own research! (HE DONE HIS OWN RESEARCH!) Don't need no PhD! I Googled it three times and watched a YouTube man — that's a master's degree! I done my own research! (TELL EM WHAT YOU FOUND!) Got twenty-seven tabs open and I ain't closin' one down! I done my own research, baby — I know what I know! And what I know is — everything is connected and THEY don't want you to know!

[Bridge]

(spoken, conspiratorial half-tempo, dropping to near-silence) Now — I can't get into the moon thing tonight. Too many unfamiliar faces. But if you find me on the internet — TruthRancher4847 — I'll send you the zip file. It's encrypted. For your own safety. My cousin Brenda read four paragraphs and had to go lie down for three days. They used to call this bein' curious. Now they call it misinformation. WELL SOMEBODY'S GOTTA ASK THE QUESTIONS!

[Final Chorus]

I done my own research! (HE DONE HIS OWN RESEARCH!) Don't need no PhD! I Googled it, cross-checked it on Rumble, asked Randy — THAT'S THREE DEGREES! I done my own research! (TELL EM WHAT YOU FOUND!) Got twenty-seven tabs open and the router's slowin' down! I done my own research, baby — and I know, yeah I KNOW! Everything is connected, honey, THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!

[Outro]

(call and response, crowd shouting) (THEY CAN'T FOOL ME!) THEY CAN'T FOOL HIM! (I SEEN THE DOCUMENTS!) HE PRINTED EM OUT! (FRONT AND BACK!) FRONT AND BACK! I got a whiteboard... I got a spiral notebook... I got Randy... Randy knows things...