Capitol's New High-Speed Revolving Door Cuts Lawmaker-To-Lobbyist Transition To 90 Seconds

WASHINGTON, DC — The Architect of the Capitol confirmed Monday that a $14 million revolving door has been installed at the building's east entrance, replacing a slower model that had reportedly been bottlenecking the transition from elected office to lobbying firm for the better part of two centuries.

The new door spins at roughly 340 degrees per second and includes a dedicated express lane for members leaving the Finance Committee. Officials say the upgrade will shrink the average lawmaker-to-lobbyist pipeline from fourteen months to about ninety seconds, calling it the biggest efficiency gain the building has seen since staffers stopped reading bills before voting on them.

"We were losing good people to red tape," said Deb Halloran, deputy director of the Office of Congressional Facilities, admiring a door so polished she could see her own reflection filing a financial disclosure form. "Under the old system, a two-term congressman could sit around for almost a year before a defense contractor made him an offer. That's a year of lost synergy."

Sen. Carl Ostrowski (R-OH), photographed testing the door Tuesday in a suit that still had visitor-badge tan lines, called it long overdue. "I've watched colleagues retire and just sort of wander the halls for months, not sure who to work for," he said. "Now there's a door for that. You walk in a public servant, you walk out with a signing bonus and a parking spot at a firm with three law partners' names on it."

A preliminary study from the watchdog group Center for a Door That Locks found that 71 percent of the building's foot traffic already consisted of people either entering government or leaving it for consulting work, with the remaining 29 percent made up of tourists looking for a bathroom. The study recommended widening the door to accommodate briefcases.

Not everyone is celebrating. Capitol tour guide Renee Okafor said the door has started upstaging the rotunda. "I'll be mid-sentence about the ceiling fresco and a whole tour group just turns to watch some guy in a six-thousand-dollar overcoat spin through," she said. "Yesterday a fourth grader asked if he was a wizard. I told her, in a way, yes."

Facilities staff are reportedly reviewing a matching installation for the Federal Election Commission, though early estimates suggest that door may only need to spin one way. At press time, three senators, two committee chairs, and a man who insists he only came in to use the vending machine were still going around and around, unable to agree on which side counted as out.