My Chickens Formed a Union

A down-on-his-luck chicken farmer discovers his hens have organized, hired a shop steward named Darlene LaPlume, and won't lay a single egg until management caves on the dental plan — and eventually the 401(k).

[Intro]

Now, y'all ain't gonna believe this... I went out to the coop yesterday morning, and there was a folded piece of paper tacked to the door!

[Verse 1]

Henrietta was standing on a overturned bucket Squawking out a list of brand-new demands She wants free-range Fridays and a premium roost And a dental plan for every bird in the land! No more working in the heat of the afternoon!

[Chorus]

My chickens formed a union And I ain't seen an egg since June! They got a picket line at sundown And a shop steward named Darlene LaPlume They're walkin' in a circle with their little signs that say: (FAIR SCRATCH OR WE DON'T LAY!) Lord, I always knew they had opinions But I didn't know they had a union!

[Verse 2]

Yesterday the federal mediators showed up With a cease-and-desist from the NLRB Then Junior the rooster walked in wearing a necktie With a PowerPoint presentation on a flat-screen TV!

[Chorus]

My chickens formed a union And I ain't seen an egg since June! They got a picket line at sundown And a shop steward named Darlene LaPlume They're walkin' in a circle with their little signs that say: (FAIR SCRATCH OR WE DON'T LAY!) Lord, I always knew they had opinions But I didn't know they had a union!

[Bridge]

Six long weeks of tense negotiations... I finally caved on the premium dental and the organic straw. But then Darlene stood right up on the feed bag... And demanded a four-hundred-and-one-k with a three-percent employer match! I looked her right in the beak... And I blinked first. They got the match.

[Final Chorus]

My chickens formed a union And I ain't seen an egg since June! They got a picket line at sundown And a shop steward named Darlene LaPlume They're walkin' in a circle with their little signs that say: (FAIR SCRATCH OR WE DON'T LAY!) Lord, I always knew they had opinions But I didn't know they had a union!

[Outro]

Yep, egg prices are up to forty-seven dollars apiece now. Junior just booked a national TED talk on leadership, and Darlene's got a six-figure book deal. As for me? I had to move back in with my mama. Yeah, those birds got a union.